Sellout

How many shares of your life have people bought from you?  How much time have you delegated for the sake of someone else’s ambition?

These are fun questions I found that I like to ask myself at the end of a burnout week.  I’ll sit there, tired, overwhelmed and unproductive.  And all I’m thinking is, shit I haven’t gotten anything done this week.  I’ve been running around like a jackass doing favors, and spreading good will.  And what do I have to show from it other than some rapport that disappears the day I flake to show up because I need a day to recover.  I’ve accomplished nothing.  All I’ve done is given people the fleeting expectation of a routine I could never maintain.  

Man, neglecting your boundaries can really fuck up your week.  

It sucks because they tend to be the first thing that’s dropped when someone ventures to either become super productive or maintain relationships with people.  And it’s funny because the mess up is actually the same thing.  You’re losing yourself to a flow that’s not your own.  

Tasks will bleed over boundaries in an attempt to attain a dream or an aspiration.  The irony is that the method isn’t sustainable.  You lose more and more of your own life to the process and once you “accomplish it” you’re not even standing on the other side of it.  The “you” that wanted the dream never accomplished it.  But the patchwork version of yourself that became the task, made it to the other side.  Was it worth it?  Do you still have the reason why you wanted to do it?  

What about when you’re socializing.  You try to keep up with openings in everyone's schedules.  Meanwhile you keep rearranging your schedule to fit theirs.  Why?  You’re trying to keep relationships alive but how far are you going past what you’re comfortable with to attain that.  Would your friends and family really ask you to do that if they knew how far out of your way you were pushing yourself?  

The problem lies in not being honest with yourself and others about your boundaries.  You over extended yourself and you’re not able to maintain it.  Yet the future you, your friends and your family didn’t ask you to do that.  They ask you to be honest so that they can accommodate to that.  Why would tasks and people accommodate to you if you never showed the need for it?  You have to be honest.  And it’s ok.  You can still accomplish all that you’re aiming for, but you need to do the harder thing.

You need to respect yourself.  Your limits.  Your time.  And who you are.  They should be shown and respected.  

There are many people out there that are cut from the same clothe as you.  The worst thing you can give them is a lie of how people like you function.  Be yourself and be honest.  It lights the way for the people who need you to be there.  

All the best,

Andreas